its not stalking. its research.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
