I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
