i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
