I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Randomize
