just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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