I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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