Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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