i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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