I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
