there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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