i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
