I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
