I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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