Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
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