so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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