honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
We need to get me chipped asap
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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