doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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