my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
