Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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