I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
