I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
