I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
