dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
