Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
