did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
