so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
