I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
