Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
