I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
