I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize
