Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
