She's JV to your varsity
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
