the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
