the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
