I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
