just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
