not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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