I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
