Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
