at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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