do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
