Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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