so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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