Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
