Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I cut my penus on the lid.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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