so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
We got so high we made milksteak
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Randomize
