Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Is this like a preordered booty call?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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