I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize