we're chasing vodka with high fives
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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