checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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