Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
