we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
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He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
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Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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