i will never coherently bang her
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
