I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
How does it feel to date your dad?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
