haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
