I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
