you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
We're too hungover to prance.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
