He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
