Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
