...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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