She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
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One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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