A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
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