we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
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