I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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