I wanna bring you to show and tell
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
