that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
