I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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